I feel compelled to write this now

It's late, 3 out of 4 wee ones, have been bathed and put to bed. Now it's just me, here alone with you. My sweet little Evangeline. I feel like I need to write this down when all is still and I'm enjoying this calm, quiet with you.


 Tonight I was lucky enough to have a little "special" time alone with each little girl. I loved every second. Just like I love them. There are days, many of them, that they drive me absolutely bonkers. Totally on the brink of insanity at some points! Motherhood is a beautiful thing, yes, but it's also pure INSANITY! For two reasons, one, because you're an adult, trying to get inside the mind of a child, and two, because you're loving this insane little creature beyond measure. And that's why I'm posting. As crazy as I'm driven, as lonely as this can sometimes be(but know this, my husband is amazing. If he could chose to be anywhere, it would be here. It's not for lack of having a stellar husband that I'm lonely, it's just my job sometimes as an army wife), as stressed as I feel or look, as tired as I am, I am above all else THANKFUL. I don't say it as often as I should. So I would like to do so now. I'm thankful. I have 1 sweet, so grown up, sensitive little girl. My oldest baby, 8 years old(where on earth has the time gone?) going on 30. So understanding. So loving. Always beautiful. From head to toe and deep into her little soul. My Madelynn. You motivate me to be better, to teach you more, and to encourage all of the things you love! You sing, like you're the first person who ever did. You are proud of all that you create(did I mention, she's an artist too), you think you could out dance all of those ballerinas ;) God love you, that confidence is something I'm so proud to have helped encourage, even if only just a little bit! I can't take credit for who you are though, you were simply born amazing my love!

Then there's YOU. Sophie. Dear lord, you are my wild child. You challenge me daily. Do you ever! If anyone ever knew how to push my buttons, it's you kiddo! But when you hug, you hug hard! I never want to let you go when I get into those Sophie snuggles! You have the most vivid imagination I have ever come across! It truly is a beautiful thing(even though those off the wall explanation for things can sometimes tip me a wee bit sideways), how you come up with the things you do, I will never know! But please know, mommy appreciates how deep your dreams go! And goodness, your sense of humor?!?! Seriously kid? You've got the comedic timing of some of the GREATS! When I'm mad as a hornet, you can say something in just such a way, that I have to turn my head to smile to myself or else I will bust out completely laughing! And I will admit, sometimes you cause me to lose complete composure in a moment because you are just SO funny! I love you, you little wild thing!

And my Lucy. Sweet, sweet Lucy. Yes you're two. Yes it can be terrible, but from the day you were born, you've been the sweetest little person. So calm. An old soul for sure. I can talk to you, totally over your head, but you look at me with this intensity, like you comprehend each and every word. You're so beautiful. So sweet. I love that you check on your sisters, even if they've been less than nice to you. You always look for baby Evie. Early morning, or late at night, you have to know that baby is ok! I love that you coddle each and every person in our family. A pouty lip, and you come running with those chubby little arms open. Embracing us, with your sweet little baby curls falling right in our face. You push us back and ask "You okay?" and we are. But only because of you my sweet. You are just so, well, I'm the luckiest lady alive to have you in my life baby girl.

And I'm not even finished yet! Evangeline. My youngest baby. You are pure innocence right now. It's perfect. You're perfect. Tiny, beautiful, loving, full of spirit, and just, you. I don't know exactly what you're going to be like, but I have a darn good idea. You're so sweet. If you could stay in my arms all day you would. Your smile, well, it only gets bigger when you see me smiling back :) and inside I melt when you do that. Those baby gummy smiles, how you have your own little humor at 8 months, and how you can make each of us girls happy by giving us a gummy grin is just, well, as perfect as you are. I'm so thankful. I'm so lucky. I'm so blessed to be your mommy. I wish I could keep you my tiny baby forever. You're growing far too fast. Already crawling and I have to admit, my heart swells when you come across the room to me :) and nursing you. Man, sometimes it's hard! Some days I don't like it, but then at night, when it's quiet and it's just you and me all cuddly and warm......I wouldn't have it any other way. You looking up at me with those big blue eyes you still have, I am so happy. Then this leads me to the next person I'm thankful for.

I know that as I'm watching each of these girls grow, learn, love, someone is missing it. Someone who would do ANYTHING to be here. My husband. Trav, I'm so thankful for you too. You keep me grounded, you support me through anything, and you try so hard to make sure we're all okay. You take care of each of us in SO many ways. Being a guy, in a house full of girls, CAN'T be easy. We all want to talk, we all want to cuddle, we all need you, but somehow, you make it seem effortless. We all feel SO loved by you. There isn't a girl in this house who feels like we don't have the best daddy(or husband as the case may be) in the entire world. You are kind, giving, just.....amazing. I'm sure that's not easy, balancing working for the army(and things I still don't know that you do), and keeping us all happy? Is that considered a super-power? I think so. I know some days I'm down right deranged, but somehow you put up with me, and even love me. You are the absolute best my love. I cannot wait until you're home, here, watching these amazing kiddos run circles around me! Because of you, I've been blessed with watching our girls grow. I've been allowed to be with them, every moment. And while some days I wish I could have a break, I'm STILL thankful I can be with all four of these absolutely WONDERFUL girls. I don't have to worry about their care. I just get to be here, and enjoy it. You've given me a gift I can never truly repay you for. I'll do my best to document it all, but I hope you know how much it means to me that I've been able to be with our girls and watch them grow each day. I love you. For everything that you do baby. I'll see you soon. Not NEARLY soon enough, but much sooner than it has been on our countdown. Closer each day, right? Maybe remind me of that in a few days, when I go bats*@# crazy at how much longer we still have to go.

I just wanted to write it down. Not for everyone else, but for me. On those days when I feel like I could rip out my hair, or cry for the rest of the evening(a peanut butter painted sofa can do that to a girl, you know), to remember what I have to be thankful for. To look for those beautiful things, that make each of my girls so special. I am blessed. To the gills. And I love you all, more than life itself. I hope one day, you'll know just how much. Now I'm going to continue cuddling with my sweet Evie-pie, and grab a little sleep before another day starts all over again :)