FINALLY ready to announce :)

Ok, we wanted to make sure we notified everyone close first before we announced it to the world! We've done just that, so now it's time to finally announce that....


WE'RE FINALLY HAVING OUR WEDDING CEREMONY!
yes, yes. I know. We are married. We had a courthouse wedding almost 8 years ago. We've been together for 11 years. We have 4 children.

Here's the thing, we never had a REAL wedding. We've always said "One day" we will. One day has come and gone and 8 years of being married has glanced past us. We learned a very valuable lesson in 2011. We learned that tomorrow is not promised. We learned this lesson by losing someone very close, and realizing that he can't be there to walk me down the aisle literally breaks my heart. My daddy was a special man, who always put his family first. He also always let you know what he was thinking, regardless of if you wanted to know or not ;) God love him, he made me mad sometimes, but more times than that, he was there for me. Good, bad, and everything in between--he was there. And unfortunately, in waiting so long to celebrate our marriage, I won't get to have him sitting there with me physically. I'll carry him in my heart that day, just like every day. But yes. We decided after enduring all that we have, as a couple, as a married couple, and as a family that it is TIME to finally celebrate that.

This is so special to me because, well, almost every girl dreams of her wedding. That special moment in time, standing there with the person you will commit the rest of your life to. Celebrating with your family. For us, now, it's so much more than that. We've been married for 8 years(this month), we've endured 4 deployments, had 4 amazing little girls, went through so many great things, and so many things that could have ripped us apart. We've come out the other side, together. We've weathered the sunny days and the storms and STILL love each other and want to recommit ourselves to one another. It's more than a wedding. It is Travis and I FINALLY taking the time to celebrate OUR MARRIAGE! He and I don't ever really do anything for ourselves, and in that respect, this is also for our family as well. Our bond is stronger than it's ever been and I want our girls to see that. I want them to see just how much love we have for them AND for each other. A real life fairytale. And we're already living happily ever after. So there it is :) our big news!!

We wanted to wait and announce this to family first because we've got some very special people in our lives who just recently got engaged! I could NOT be happier for them to start their journey together! 2 couples that I just KNOW are going to be amazingly beautiful as husband and wife :) I don't ever want to take away from their special time together in the coming months as they spend their last moments before taking the plunge into marriage, planning their own beautiful weddings! I wanted to make sure they know my excitement and love for them, and for their special days as well. And with that, I hope you all, married or not, take a moment to tell the person you love that you love them. I have learned a few things in my life and marriage, first being that you can't ever hear "I love you" enough, second being that you do not know what tomorrow holds and that it isn't promised, and third being that you should always treasure what you have right now. The saying that you don't know what you have until it's gone is true, but you can combat that with living in the moment and loving those you have as hard as you can, every single day.

I hope everyone's February is going well, I have a VERY special person coming to visit us in just 3 DAYS!!! SQUEEEEEEEEE! AUNT ERIN!!!!!!! On that note, I must run, it's time to do some dishes and make my house look a little less messy before I welcome my very best friend :) HURRY UP THURSDAY!

I am so sorry for being M.I.A.

I PROMISE I have a REALLY good and exciting reason. And as soon as we've announced things to those we love(I'm a big fan of the good old fashioned phone call), I will be back to scream it from the roof tops :D Just suffice it to say, it's wonderful, it's exciting and we're happy! It's also worth mentioning that the news is NOT about adding to our family ;) but I promise I will be back with exciting news, new pictures, and lots more! YAY!

Just a little princess dance party!

LORDY BE. Ok. These kids are back. They bounced back beautifully! And in true Hogan girl fashion, they are BONKERS! Tonight they decided it was a princess dance party kind of night. Ever tried to get a picture of three twirling, bouncing, or in Sophie's case, spastic princesses? Hahaha, well it gets interesting. Honestly, there are no words. These kids are crazy! What's the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words"? Well here you are!
PROJECT 365-Day 14

Ok, and these....there are just no words!

Yep, these kids seem to be feeling MUCH better! Now, can I catch up? We shall see :)

It really is the little things that matter

Well the stomach bug ravaged this house. Not one person left unscathed! Not a great past few days. But then you look at the little things. I had to throw away lucy's crib mattress(don't ask.it was gross....thank you stomach virus), luckily(WHOOO HOOO, I usually don't have good luck) I have had a full sized bed in her room. I was just afraid to transition her. She LOVED her crib, she's 2 years and 7 months old and has never climbed out of it or fussed when she had to go to bed. Often times she would lead me down the hall and tell me she'd like to get in(Mommy tears, my baby is growing up). So maybe it was a little bit of her, and me ;) But I wasn't ready yet. She's only my sweet little baby for so long. I wasn't going to push her. But alas, the mattress could NOT be saved. Evie has a crib(that she has never slept in), but I didn't think it a good idea to put her mattress in her Lucy's crib in case the same thing happened again. Anywho..... I took my fear, yep mine, and decided it was the time to put my sweet baby Lucy in her big girl bed. It went surprisingly well. I baby proofed the entire room(again). I made sure no tippy furniture was in there(literally all that is in there right now is her bed, a basket with toys, and a couple weebles houses), all outlets were covered, door was baby gated, and the closet rigged to not open....waiting for the locks to arrive so I can install them. And I have to figure out a way to properly baby proof casement windows..... This one has me puzzled.

By the time I had finished the task, Lucy had already taken herself to bed on the downstairs couch. I moved her up. She was OUT. But she still felt a little warm. So I laid her down, tucked her in, and watched her sleep for a moment before I stepped out of her room. Then I went to my room and laid with Evie for a while, unable to sleep. In the wee hours of the morning, I tiptoed back in to her room. I felt her head, it was HOT. So she rolled over and saw me and smiled and said "Hi". She absolutely melts my heart. So I asked her if she'd like a drink and she said "yes" and reached up for me. We went into the kitchen and got some pedialite and sat together on the couch. I held her and rocked her, like I've always done. She talked to me about many things(she loves to talk), finally, it was time to get her back to bed. Before we went, I had to give her some medicine. I wish I had thought to take a picture. She is such a big girl, she waits for me to pour the medicine, then I have to hand her the little cup, and she drinks it like a VERY big little thing :) my heart swells again. She hands it back and says "Tank-tou". We went back into the room, I let her play on my ipad and lay with me for a bit to get her comfortable. She told me stories about her game. When we finally lay down, I turned out the light. She was fighting sleep so hard. I thought she was asleep at one point and whispered in her ear "I love you", she says in her sweet little voice "luh you". So I kept tickling her back, and playing with her hair.

Now it was incredibly late. But I didn't want to leave her. I stayed longer than I should have probably. At one point, she drifted off and then all the sudden reached up so slowly, gently touched my arm and rubbed it. Then she found my nose and kissed it. This kid really knows how to make this mommy's heart so happy! After a while more, I knew I had to get to bed. She protested. Wanted me to tuck in her baby doll(which she named Evie) and she reached for my hand. I told her it was bed time, everyone else was in bed and she had to go to sleep too. Everything I said, well I guess it wasn't convincing. Then I heard it. Evie was awake and ready to eat. She started to cry. I told Lucy "Mommy has to go get her baby now, she's hungry and needs to eat so she can go to sleep agian". Lucy let go of my hand and says "Ok. Night night". I gave her one last kiss and waited for her to say I love you back. Then I headed out of her room agian. Not a peep. Not until I went to get her the next morning. She was waiting, in her bed for me. I'm always nervous when I put a little bit of their babyhood behind them. But they usually do so very well transitioning. And as always, I try to document it. So here come the pictures!

First up
PROJECT 365-Day 12
Lucy and her transition to her big girl room

PROJECT 365-Day 13
This will explain why Lucy is most often photographed. She is usually the only one who will tolerate my camera! Poor Evie(and Mady and Sophie) get pretty cheesed after a little bit!

Let me introduce you to Murphy

His laws are my best friend! Be warned, if you ever ask "WHAT ELSE COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?", brace yourself! You're about to find out!!! So I usually try very hard to not utter these words, but I'm certain in the heat of the moment while Evangeline had that high fever, that I mistakenly let it slip. And then Murphy's Law paid me a visit! I can laugh, because if I don't, I might cry! Two out of four Hogan children have the dreaded stomach bug(DUN DUN DUNNNNNN). Well, yes, that certainly is worse. Thank you Murphy for dropping by and pointing that out! And tomorrow.... now that should be interesting! I'm willing to bet we'll be four for four in kids, and that it will get me too. But hey. What can you do? Get the buckets ready, break out every single anti-bacterial anything that you have handy, grab all the medicine you can, and brace for the inevitable! And then, you laugh. I promise, you'll feel better. For a moment. Oh and fabreeze. Don't forget fabreeze. Or anything that doesn't smell like sick. BLEH!  So in the fashion of finding the bright side when you're sick, there's always baths right? They are always fun(when you're two at least). So that's what brings me to....
PROJECT 365-Day 11
BATH TIME!

At least one of the sickies is having fun right? Oh to be two. The moral of the story is........ don't ask what else can go wrong, because then it will ;) Have to run, it's soup and medicine time around here.

And then life hits...

As a mom I am under no illusion that my time is my own. This is no complaint, this is just what my life consists of. I run off the feelings, emotions, health, and all else of four little beings. The way they do any of the a fore mentioned things can dictate how my life goes, and as a mom, that is just a fact. The reason I'm mentioning this is, my sweet sweet little Evie is sick. My project 365 days 8, 9, and 10 aren't being posted as I normally would. Why? Because my life, well it pauses when my wee one runs the highest fever, in my history as a mom(insert severe panic that you can't see, here). I've been nursing her constantly. She hates the taste of medicine(even the tastier variety) and I've had to get creative on how I dose her. I've had her stripped down to her diaper since the fever first made its presence known(and by the way, fever, I'd like it if you took a long walk off a short cliff. I HATE seeing my baby so sick). I've done all my mommy tricks, even made a last ditch effort and took her to the ER to no avail. Not an ear infection, not the flu, not a uti, not pneumonia. No answers. Still have a fever and a miserable baby.

Sigh, hardest thing to do as a mom. THE ABSOLUTE HARDEST, is to not be able to fix things immediately. My baby in pain is the most horrible feeling, deep down in my heart, in the world. As I mention this, miss Evie is not the only child, or situation I'm referring to. My older girls, while I didn't mention the anniversary, are missing their poppy. Songs remind them of him, words I say, pictures, and right now they hurt. Emotions are still so raw. When you lose someone, it's like time stops. There isn't a day since they left this world, that you go without thinking of them. And it's hard to go through, as an ADULT. Now, my children are going through this too. My dad, their Poppy, was a big presence in their lives. They were lucky to have him. We all were. He would follow where ever we went, because these girls and myself, were his heart. He was far from an emotional man. But he followed us. He followed his heart. And we knew. We all knew it. Especially my girls, so it makes losing him incredibly hard. My time with him was far too brief. A daughter should have her father for much longer than 25 years. And my babies, my sweet babies, it's so unfair that they lost him so incredibly young.

As I write this I know there are others who lost loved ones sooner than we did. And I feel for them, more than words can say. I can't even begin to imagine their pain, or their journey. But watching my babies grieve the loss of my daddy is TERRIBLE. I can't touch that hurt. I can't bring him back(and I would if I could. I would go to the ends of the earth and back, give up anything, I would do anything), and I can't make them hurt any less. It kills me inside that all I can do is say "I miss him too baby", and cry with them. My heart shatters with each tear that falls. I miss him, he's my daddy. But watching them hurt, it kills me inside. He is the best Poppy. He was there. Be it a birthday, a birth, a holiday, or just the opportunity to make a memory-- he was ALWAYS there. If you needed him, even to talk, he was as close as a phone call away. Having that ripped away from me, but more importantly, them, is so hard. I digress. I could go on about this all day. We miss him.

But this is my life as a mommy. Sometimes the things I want to do, are put on the back-burner. I'm every bit okay with that. It is how it should be. One day, they'll know. And until then, they feel important, loved, and safe. THAT'S my ultimate goal. To make it known that there isn't a single thing on this earth, that is more important or that I love even remotely as much as I love them. There is no hobby, no to do list, no "break" that I need, that comes before they do. And this brings me back to my 365!

It's time to play catch up while I hold one of the four most precious souls while she naps(and secretly wish I could physically manhandle this darn fever and make it get OUT off my sweet little girl). My project 365, well it's more than just a hobby. It's documenting my day to day life with these amazing little souls. They will be grown before I know it. I plan to soak this up and remember all the special little details. They are the things I'll have tucked away in my memory to make me smile. Those "tiny" things that make up each day--that's what life is about. There is no party I can go to or bar and drink that will find a spot in my memory when I have bedtime stories, giggles, tickle fights, boogie men to scare away, backs to tickle, smiles to look on, little faces to wipe, baby feet to touch, special talks to have, and THAT'S JUST THE CONDENSED VERSION--life as a mommy is HARD, but it's also a gift. One I promise to not take for-granted(and in this, I hope I'm doing my daddy, and his memory proud. If there is one single lesson that I had to choose to take away from my time with him, it's that family and making memories is FIRST priority). I will cherish these tiny moments, each milestone, and I'll be proud that they are my life. It's okay to put everything else aside, everything else can either wait, or it wasn't important anyway.

Here are my past few days. Normally I only add a photo a day, but these past few days warrant a few more, I think.

PROJECT 365-Day 8

you can see, in the background of this(iphone)picture, the mess that still sits......I need to put away decorations, but that can wait. This baby needs her mommy.

PROJECT 365-Day 9
my little Lucy was playing dress up and fell asleep in full Alice in wonderland attire. Her sweet little face and curls. I hope her dreams are as sweet as she is. Side note, incandescent lighting is my nemesis.

PROJECT 365-Day 10
today, still holding this sweet, feverish wee one.

These are not my best work. In my defense, I'm in the photo and was adjusting the settings after each frame, then holding it above my head, that's my opinion from the technical standpoint of my images. As a mommy though, these are pictures I will treasure. My baby, safe in my arms. She's sick but feels safe and comfortable enough to sleep on me. I'm a comfort item. I hope I always will be.

With that, I think that sums up my post for today(and the past few). Think fever reducing thoughts for us :) so I can have my active little smile machine back. Motherhood is calling, gotta answer!

PROJECT 365-Day 7

As promised, today is the day I am introducing our smallest family member

MEET TILLY :) she's being snuggled by my oldest wee one Mady. This is one of the coolest dogs ever! She drives me crazy some days, but hey, who doesn't? She is super duper sweet. She puts up with so much, all the kids want to hold her and hug her and she's always so eager for lovins(yep, she loves the kids, it even surprised me). I used to have a chihuahua, Jellybean, back before I had kids. I had her until my oldest daughter was about 4, when she was stolen from our fenced in backyard while she was out for a bathroom break. We have Bella, and honestly, I adore her! She's my big snuggle dog, she makes me feel safe. But I think my husband always knew my heart still belonged to miss beans. That dog was the sweetest. EVER. So last Valentine's day, he tricked the heck out of me, and brought this girl home. Long story short, I was reluctant to give in and love this doggie(she's just not my Jellybean.but no doggie ever will be). It took a while, I was pregnant, and huge, and dealing with a lot and then.... I had a puppy! AHHH! All that worry for nothing though, she's a sweetie pie. She gets along with my Bella and all my kiddos!

The best part about this little girl, is that she is just, well, a cuddle bug. It doesn't matter if it's me, Mady, Lucy, or Soph. She is happy if she's in your lap or arms. This little bit completes our BIG family. She's just what was missing. One more snugly and sweet girl in our house(in case you haven't been keeping tabs....my husband is vastly outnumbered girls-7, boys-1). Now in case you also haven't notice... I'm vastly outnumbered as well! Luckily, the dogs are more forgiving than the kids. They are a bit more patient with me. All in all, couldn't be happier with this PINK TO THE BRIM house. But whew! It is hard to keep up these days! Colds are creeping in, and all in all, it's just a yucky time of year. I'm LONGING for the summer so we can get our butts out of this house more. Ah well, we will bide our time and try to keep things moving along....can't fast-forward time(though a girl can dream right) so we just need to try to pass the time as efficiently as we can! 

With that said, dishes are calling my name--so I'm off agian! *le sigh* where on earth is the cleaning fairy when you need her?