Sometimes when I get overwhelmed....

Sometimes I find I must retreat within my family. My children, when things get difficult and I get down. Focusing deeply on the small details that make me happy. Their happiness. Their giggles. Freckles on my 9 year old's sunny little cheeks and nose. Her caring nature and desire to help me and her sisters. Her faithful belief that magic is real. My 5 year old's ability to make a joke like a stand up comedian--even when I'm so angry, I can't resist giggling with her. She is skeptical, but hopeful. Her singing and dancing that she does EVERY day, with no rhyme or reason except that it makes her happy. My 3 year old's curly locks and funny faces. Oh, and the endless lullaby demands :) "rockababy" "mockingbird" and "little star" are her favorites right now. Oh yes, and tinkerbell, and princesses. And my 1 year old, her sweet icy blue/grey eyes. Her long baby eyelashes and sweet baby smile. The steps she's learning to take, more every single day. Her tiny little hands that still reach for mine, and her sweet arms that wrap around my neck to hug me close.

The hugs. All of my babies give amazing hugs. Hugs that send you into that calm place. Hugs that make you stop for a moment and think of only them. You breathe them in, either the smell of a child during summer, or fresh from the bath tub scent-- I'll take either. Those are the things I choose to concentrate on. Those are the things that get me through ANY hard times. Those tiny details that drive me each day. Can there honestly be anything more precious than those fleeting moments? I don't believe so. So on days when everything gets so complicated, the best place to escape is home :)

Get Ready!

Yep, I'm back. I know, I know, I'm a flakey flake and need to get my tush in gear and get back at this. Well we had the summer of a lifetime. Still are having that summer. I'm enjoying every sun soaked second! I think I forgot how much of my life was OUTSIDE in the summer. Well now I am reminded and getting the girls in on the action. I LOVE the ocean. I always have. Now my babies do too :) I have photographic evidence and memories, oh goodness did we make some memories! I am SO excited to share the things we've been into, to write it down, to have all this to look back on too. As I have said before, tomorrow is never promised. So in that fashion--we are making memories. Living in the moment and LOVING it. So be on the look out! I will be back to share in some of the fun times we are having this summer :) and here's a teaser photo!!

And while you wait for the posts to come rolling in-- GO OUT AND HAVE A WONDERFUL SUMMER :)

lots of love! -Jes

This month....

Well this month, it brings a lot. Old and new. Memories past, new ones just waiting to be made. The 5th of this month is my daddy's birthday. I would be lying if I said I don't think of him on days like that(well, honestly, I never go a day without him anymore). This year is the second birthday without him. And it's hard. I think he knows how hard it is on us. Why, you might ask? Well because in this month, during this time I just know my dad is looking down on us and trying to keep us from being so sad. My husband will come home to us this month. I just know somehow, that was written in the stars, and that my daddy had a little bit of a hand in making sure my husband would be here this month especially. And mostly importantly, that he's coming home safe.

With that, it means that I will be getting my very best friend back. My love, my heart, the best father any child could ask for, my best friend, yes--my husband is coming home! I cannot even put into words just how incredible this feels! I just want my husband home, I can already hear the squeals from the kids as they seem him enter the room, already feel my heart racing knowing that they are unloading buses, holding my breath as I scan the room for MY soldier. Yep, I can taste the end of this deployment! AND WE'RE READY! We're ready for hugs and kisses, hellos without goodbyes, long awaited looks at our babies who've grown so much, I just can't wait to wrap my arms around him and breathe in. There is honestly no better place in the world than in his arms. And I can't wait to be there!

Then I'm posed with the most horrible of dilemmas(HA!) having to SHARE him between all the other girls awaiting his return ;) this man has 4 other little Hogan girls waiting! Not to mention the 2 other girlie furbabies! Yes, we love this guy. SO stinking much! So much that I think I'll marry him, again :) So yes. This month is bringing in a lot of things. This month we'll wish happy birthday to SEVERAL VERY VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE (daddy, then mommy, then my grandmommy, and trav's mommy). And in the hard times, I'll remember, my dad is CERTAINLY watching over us. He is constantly guiding me through the hardest days, and bringing me to some more fantastic days that are awaiting us. So tonight I will lay my head on my pillow and dream of that moment when I'm reunited with my husband. And I will send a special thank you up to someone who knows I'm always thinking of him too.

I hope you all have a happy March! I know that the beginning of ours was rough, but that by month's end, I will have fantastic news to report! Here's to our family being whole again! I feel like a child at Christmas! I just can't wait!!!!

FINALLY ready to announce :)

Ok, we wanted to make sure we notified everyone close first before we announced it to the world! We've done just that, so now it's time to finally announce that....


WE'RE FINALLY HAVING OUR WEDDING CEREMONY!
yes, yes. I know. We are married. We had a courthouse wedding almost 8 years ago. We've been together for 11 years. We have 4 children.

Here's the thing, we never had a REAL wedding. We've always said "One day" we will. One day has come and gone and 8 years of being married has glanced past us. We learned a very valuable lesson in 2011. We learned that tomorrow is not promised. We learned this lesson by losing someone very close, and realizing that he can't be there to walk me down the aisle literally breaks my heart. My daddy was a special man, who always put his family first. He also always let you know what he was thinking, regardless of if you wanted to know or not ;) God love him, he made me mad sometimes, but more times than that, he was there for me. Good, bad, and everything in between--he was there. And unfortunately, in waiting so long to celebrate our marriage, I won't get to have him sitting there with me physically. I'll carry him in my heart that day, just like every day. But yes. We decided after enduring all that we have, as a couple, as a married couple, and as a family that it is TIME to finally celebrate that.

This is so special to me because, well, almost every girl dreams of her wedding. That special moment in time, standing there with the person you will commit the rest of your life to. Celebrating with your family. For us, now, it's so much more than that. We've been married for 8 years(this month), we've endured 4 deployments, had 4 amazing little girls, went through so many great things, and so many things that could have ripped us apart. We've come out the other side, together. We've weathered the sunny days and the storms and STILL love each other and want to recommit ourselves to one another. It's more than a wedding. It is Travis and I FINALLY taking the time to celebrate OUR MARRIAGE! He and I don't ever really do anything for ourselves, and in that respect, this is also for our family as well. Our bond is stronger than it's ever been and I want our girls to see that. I want them to see just how much love we have for them AND for each other. A real life fairytale. And we're already living happily ever after. So there it is :) our big news!!

We wanted to wait and announce this to family first because we've got some very special people in our lives who just recently got engaged! I could NOT be happier for them to start their journey together! 2 couples that I just KNOW are going to be amazingly beautiful as husband and wife :) I don't ever want to take away from their special time together in the coming months as they spend their last moments before taking the plunge into marriage, planning their own beautiful weddings! I wanted to make sure they know my excitement and love for them, and for their special days as well. And with that, I hope you all, married or not, take a moment to tell the person you love that you love them. I have learned a few things in my life and marriage, first being that you can't ever hear "I love you" enough, second being that you do not know what tomorrow holds and that it isn't promised, and third being that you should always treasure what you have right now. The saying that you don't know what you have until it's gone is true, but you can combat that with living in the moment and loving those you have as hard as you can, every single day.

I hope everyone's February is going well, I have a VERY special person coming to visit us in just 3 DAYS!!! SQUEEEEEEEEE! AUNT ERIN!!!!!!! On that note, I must run, it's time to do some dishes and make my house look a little less messy before I welcome my very best friend :) HURRY UP THURSDAY!

I am so sorry for being M.I.A.

I PROMISE I have a REALLY good and exciting reason. And as soon as we've announced things to those we love(I'm a big fan of the good old fashioned phone call), I will be back to scream it from the roof tops :D Just suffice it to say, it's wonderful, it's exciting and we're happy! It's also worth mentioning that the news is NOT about adding to our family ;) but I promise I will be back with exciting news, new pictures, and lots more! YAY!

Just a little princess dance party!

LORDY BE. Ok. These kids are back. They bounced back beautifully! And in true Hogan girl fashion, they are BONKERS! Tonight they decided it was a princess dance party kind of night. Ever tried to get a picture of three twirling, bouncing, or in Sophie's case, spastic princesses? Hahaha, well it gets interesting. Honestly, there are no words. These kids are crazy! What's the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words"? Well here you are!
PROJECT 365-Day 14

Ok, and these....there are just no words!

Yep, these kids seem to be feeling MUCH better! Now, can I catch up? We shall see :)

It really is the little things that matter

Well the stomach bug ravaged this house. Not one person left unscathed! Not a great past few days. But then you look at the little things. I had to throw away lucy's crib mattress(don't ask.it was gross....thank you stomach virus), luckily(WHOOO HOOO, I usually don't have good luck) I have had a full sized bed in her room. I was just afraid to transition her. She LOVED her crib, she's 2 years and 7 months old and has never climbed out of it or fussed when she had to go to bed. Often times she would lead me down the hall and tell me she'd like to get in(Mommy tears, my baby is growing up). So maybe it was a little bit of her, and me ;) But I wasn't ready yet. She's only my sweet little baby for so long. I wasn't going to push her. But alas, the mattress could NOT be saved. Evie has a crib(that she has never slept in), but I didn't think it a good idea to put her mattress in her Lucy's crib in case the same thing happened again. Anywho..... I took my fear, yep mine, and decided it was the time to put my sweet baby Lucy in her big girl bed. It went surprisingly well. I baby proofed the entire room(again). I made sure no tippy furniture was in there(literally all that is in there right now is her bed, a basket with toys, and a couple weebles houses), all outlets were covered, door was baby gated, and the closet rigged to not open....waiting for the locks to arrive so I can install them. And I have to figure out a way to properly baby proof casement windows..... This one has me puzzled.

By the time I had finished the task, Lucy had already taken herself to bed on the downstairs couch. I moved her up. She was OUT. But she still felt a little warm. So I laid her down, tucked her in, and watched her sleep for a moment before I stepped out of her room. Then I went to my room and laid with Evie for a while, unable to sleep. In the wee hours of the morning, I tiptoed back in to her room. I felt her head, it was HOT. So she rolled over and saw me and smiled and said "Hi". She absolutely melts my heart. So I asked her if she'd like a drink and she said "yes" and reached up for me. We went into the kitchen and got some pedialite and sat together on the couch. I held her and rocked her, like I've always done. She talked to me about many things(she loves to talk), finally, it was time to get her back to bed. Before we went, I had to give her some medicine. I wish I had thought to take a picture. She is such a big girl, she waits for me to pour the medicine, then I have to hand her the little cup, and she drinks it like a VERY big little thing :) my heart swells again. She hands it back and says "Tank-tou". We went back into the room, I let her play on my ipad and lay with me for a bit to get her comfortable. She told me stories about her game. When we finally lay down, I turned out the light. She was fighting sleep so hard. I thought she was asleep at one point and whispered in her ear "I love you", she says in her sweet little voice "luh you". So I kept tickling her back, and playing with her hair.

Now it was incredibly late. But I didn't want to leave her. I stayed longer than I should have probably. At one point, she drifted off and then all the sudden reached up so slowly, gently touched my arm and rubbed it. Then she found my nose and kissed it. This kid really knows how to make this mommy's heart so happy! After a while more, I knew I had to get to bed. She protested. Wanted me to tuck in her baby doll(which she named Evie) and she reached for my hand. I told her it was bed time, everyone else was in bed and she had to go to sleep too. Everything I said, well I guess it wasn't convincing. Then I heard it. Evie was awake and ready to eat. She started to cry. I told Lucy "Mommy has to go get her baby now, she's hungry and needs to eat so she can go to sleep agian". Lucy let go of my hand and says "Ok. Night night". I gave her one last kiss and waited for her to say I love you back. Then I headed out of her room agian. Not a peep. Not until I went to get her the next morning. She was waiting, in her bed for me. I'm always nervous when I put a little bit of their babyhood behind them. But they usually do so very well transitioning. And as always, I try to document it. So here come the pictures!

First up
PROJECT 365-Day 12
Lucy and her transition to her big girl room

PROJECT 365-Day 13
This will explain why Lucy is most often photographed. She is usually the only one who will tolerate my camera! Poor Evie(and Mady and Sophie) get pretty cheesed after a little bit!